Holiday queers! What I Know Now!

30 Years After Being Disowned for Xmiss

maya-then-and-nowAhhh the holidays! My mother stopped talking to me on Christmas day, the rest of my family followed suit. Later, I was actually disowned! I don’t know if my name still appears on any of the papers that connect me to my family of origin.

santa-fire-7Jajaja! I laugh my queer little tuckus off now, but for many years the holidays felt like hell.

Eventually, the holidays felt like my ex’s and her family’s charade. I watched from the sidelines. Included, but totally not. Slowly I carved out what felt meaningful to me during this time of year.

The darkest day, honoring trees and lights, LOTS OF LIGHTS and being…


vancouver sisters

I’m back in distant contact with my family. I’ve spoken my love and appreciation, which grows day by day. But I’m also aware that I am a far more solid, sane and happy person independent of them.

I must be about 22 in the photo above. My friend Leah sent it to me just the other day. Blew me away! Thank you very much Leah!

uofo symbol

Her and another dyke hired me as a co-director of the Women’s Referral and Resource Center at the UO. I was supposed to be the straight one. I was soon out, disowned and massively stressed out. All I can see in this photo, besides the absolutely fab hairdo (please note the fluffy*pink*chiffon*bow holding my long ponytail!), is a wtf kind of sadness. Shocked with the world I am.

Now, 30 years later, aware of the world and it’s lessons, I am not shocked. I am whole. I can say I feel healed. My partner just took the current photo. He always makes me smile. You can see our bubba Sky napping behind me. She’s still asleep as I scratch this out! I’m holiday decked–xmiss is oh so gay! My super loved partner (who has fabulous gay dads who rock the holidays all year!) has helped bring my heart into a big open place even during xmiss! QUEER I can play. QUEER I am free. QUEER I am at peace.


I want to share what I learned and what keeps me rockin. I share it because I want you to stay alive my lovelies! And more than that, GROW STRONG! We need you. We need all of your gorgeousness.

SO this is for my holiday queers  (although it can apply to anyone, but I’m extra lovin on my queers right now!):

  1. don’t care about what anyone says, except for the love part! Love is all that matters. The rest is theirs.
  2. listen to your body, even if it’s fear or panic. Take time with your good body. Feel your weight! Gravity is mamiearth reminding us that we belong here!
  3. listen to me! YOU ARE A PERFECT AND NECESSARY PART OF THE NATURAL WORLD! Look at nature all around you and know that you are looking at queer and trans plants and animals! We have and always will exist because we are perfectly natural.
  4. speak your name, tell your story, write it down, draw it out! USE YOUR CREATIVE POWER TO CLAIM YOUR BEING! You have a great power within. Expressing and not repressing sets us free. Art changes everything.
  5. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. Write this down. Carry it with you. Sign my name and then yours. Tu eres mi otro yo. You are me. I am you. I love me. I love you. I will love until you remember!

Rock on my HOLIDAY QUEERS!xmiss tree

Forever and a day, xomaya

*more loving treats:

8 Queer Tips to Get Through the Holidays

Trans Lifeline

GLBT National Help Center


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *