It can be difficult to talk about death. Or pain or sickness; or loss or grief. When I first healed from heavy metal poisoning in 2006, I wanted to run and run and run and live. I wanted to live like mad. I didn’t want to remember 10 years of sickness, the last 3 years of it spent totally housebound. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t even want to talk about Master Hai and the miraculous healing! I wanted to dance off the ridiculous horribleness of all of it, even the mystery and beauty of it. I wanted to become strong and create a new life, and I have. These last 10 years have been the best in my entire life, which is not to say there haven’t been challenges.
I don’t know how to articulate what happened when I realized that 2016 is my 10 year anniversary. 10 years sick. 10 years well. I used to think I’d be dead by now. There is a softness in acknowledging that. A big large eternal sunset kind of perspective of compassion and genuine kindness toward myself and the hard lessons I’ve learned. I’m living a new, backdoor life. I’ve stepped outside of the life I once lived, even the person I once was. I am free. I used to feel trapped. In my body, in my life, in my thoughts and even the life I had been given. Now as I look at where I’m at and where I imagine I may be going, everything makes sense and I can see how healing from such a powerful experience literally redirected my life and healed my heart.
It still feels hard to talk about. There was fabulous emotional and physical discomfort for so long, but when I look at the art, there is something else too. I was never alone. My ancestors were a constant part of supporting me in aligning with my deepest work and pushing me toward my own greatest good. I believe throughout my life I have been on a path of healing that is at once my own and is always a part of a greater lineage. I feel that more than ever as I am 10 years into why I am still here.
I feel like I can begin telling the stories of my healing journey and the art I created during that time, much of which has never been shown. I’ve spent the last few years investing deeply in my curricula and teaching everything I know about children’s books. With Reflection Press and School of the Free Mind becoming more solid, I can take the time to celebrate the creative power that kept me alive and taught me that I am my greatest work of art.
A new life begets a new look.
I may always and forever think of myself as an artist above all else. It still feels like the word that best describes me!
So here’s my gorgeous updated fine art website:
Matthew is a magician!
Complete with artwork gallery, specific time periods, an art timeline, ability to search by artwork themes, symbolism and medium, and more! We’re still putting the finishing touches on it, adding more art, and updating my bio and such but felt that Day of the Dead was a perfect day to release it. And if you want to test out it’s functionality, here’s an example of searching by symbolism to see all my artwork with skeletons in it.
I’ll also be offering giclees in my new online shop that should be up and running in the next week.
…and we’ve been making updates to my main site as well (www.mayagonzalez.com)
Sending love to everyone as we celebrate Dia de los Muertos. xomaya